My Testimony | From Struggle to Salvation: How I Became a Born Again Christian.

How important is spirituality in your life?

As a Born Again Christian – it’s a relationship, not Religion or Spirituality. I don’t consider myself Religious or Spiritual – because afterall, Religion is man-made. I got saved May 4th, 2016 at 10:30 PM in my first apartment on Wyandotte Street East – a place I’ll always remember as I drive by. Becoming a Christian was an impactful milestone in my life. Without God, I wouldn’t be here today – and, for that I’m thankful! I can confidently say it is well with my soul. And, you can too! In fact, I encourage you to. God loves you more than anyone!!

Introduction:

I always felt like I was a “good” girl – I never went to parties, didn’t sleep around or do drugs, never drank or swore. I didn’t think I was a sinner, however in my twenties an experience that could have ended badly led me to Christ. If you’re curious, then read on…

Growing Up:

I grew up in a Born Again Christian home in Windsor, Ontario, Canada. From an early age, I attended church meetings. I’d like to say that being in a Christian family wasn’t part of my struggle (with salvation) but it was. Going to Sunday School, and all the gospel meetings and other occasions over the years adds up – your knowledge of the Gospel grows and if you’re like me, you were probably able to “preach” to your friends all the while unsaved. I ended up living like I had salvation, but deep down I knew I wasn’t saved. Why wasn’t I taking God’s word personally? I knew I should – but there was something holding me back.

Looking back on it now, I realize I just believed the bible to be stories, not the living word of God. I believed in God, but that was it. I remember being “close” to salvation before, I would have a feeling during a gospel meeting and think I was just about to get it… But, then it went away. But, obviously – being close isn’t enough!!! One time, I was at a Gospel Tent Meeting with my friends and it was in the middle of a thunderstorm. I thought to myself, this would be an epic time to get saved… it didn’t happen. It was really frustrating for me. I struggled with “believing enough” as well. I thought some part of me was broken, like I wasn’t capable of trusting/believing in God. This was also one of my stumbling blocks… I was focusing on all the wrong things. All I really had to do was surrender them at His feet.

My parents divorced when I was twelve, I ended up living with my father. In the beginning, my mother and I would get together off and on – but to this day she hasn’t contacted me in years. It’s been beyond difficult. I struggled with believing in God because I thought He would abandon me like my mother did. How could I trust after this?

Mental Health:

In 2007 I was diagnosed with Depression… I believe the antidepressants caused me to have a manic episode, which led me to being admitted to the hospital in 2009. I would love to say things got better, but they didn’t. Shortly after, I stopped going to my church. I basically turned my back on God. I was giving up on salvation. I struggled for so long, it was just too much. Thankfully He didn’t give up me!!

I entered postsecondary education (Child Psychology!) around this time, and had to drop out due to personal reasons. I wish I would have stuck with it, but it must not have been in God’s will for me. Again, things happened over and over again – as is life. But thankfully – I was never suicidal, because I knew where I would be if I died – Hell. (Disclaimer: I believe suicide to be a sin, but only if you haven’t been saved by Christ before you die.) God really had a hedge of protection over me in this sense.

I’ve had my fair share of manic episodes, since then – but I can say, as of this day I’ve been mentally stable for over a year now. Praise the Lord!! It’s one of my goals now, to continue to stay stable. I also believe that it’s possible for me to be completely healed and am praying and working towards that. God is a waymaker, miracle worker, promise keeper: a light in the darkness, after all!

Convictions:

I’d sometimes go out to the local Gospel Meetings here and there. But nothing ever “clicked” – I was just too frustrated and focused on what was going on in my life.  I still didn’t think I was much of a sinner.

Due to some recent events leading up to my salvation, I believe I was convicted of my sins. Someone was brought into my life – and a couple lessons were learnt the hard way, which later lead me to Christ. Throughout that situation, I was talking to my “second” moms for advice. Maria being one of them. She asked if she could take me to the upcoming Gospel Meetings at our local university. I said “Yes!!!” How could I not? I wanted salvation so badly. After all, my eternity was on the line. The next couple weeks were a whirlwind. She’d pick me up from work every night, and we’d rush to her house for dinner, then leave for meeting. I’m so thankful for her for doing this for me. 

The Gospel Meetings:

The speakers were Larry Perkins and Dan Shutt. Such an amazing duo! I went to almost all of the meetings, and talked to them almost every night. It was again, so frustrating. One night, I told them I’ve felt close to salvation before.  Well, the next night they preached on that… Whoa. Wake up call!!! This message was for me!

During the meeting, I noticed Maria was crying – I knew it was about my soul and felt really bad. At the end of the meeting, she turned to me and said “You really need to get this settled tonight!” I started crying, but made sure to talk to the preachers again. I was a mess by the way, I don’t know if this is normal – but when it came to talking to preachers I always got really emotional.

I sat down and talked to them… I ended up telling them something I never thought I’d tell a preacher. I mentioned that meeting someone new is exciting, but when it comes to learning about God and “meeting” Him through His word… Oh boy, it’s boring!! Dan Shutt answered with “Would you rather boring or Hell?” Ouch. Another wake up call! You obviously know my answer. We kept talking, and then Larry led me to the verse below: (Which is now one of my favourites!)

“All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned, every one — to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.” – Isaiah 53:6 ESV

He broke it up into two parts and asked me if I could see myself in any of them. I said I could relate to the first part… I literally went astray, and turned my back on God. But!! He didn’t give up on me.

So, then he asked me about the second part… I explained that I understood it, but that was it. I just wasn’t taking it personally. They couldn’t save me, so we ended up leaving it at that. Before we left, they told me to read it over again at home (once I settled down) – and ask myself if the last part was enough for me. And, if it was to tell God that it was. Once I got home, that’s what I did!! 

My friend Fern and I text every night, so once I got settled I found a message from her. That was it, I could talk to her for the rest of the night, or decide to put the matter of salvation first. I told her that I needed to get something important sorted out, and couldn’t talk.

Thankfully she was very understanding! So, I opened up my bible and started reading Isaiah 53:6 over and over again. Through many tears and soul-searching, I repented of my sins, and gave my life over to Christ. In exchange, He gave me a new spirit. Praise God!

I finally understood the second part of the verse, and I remember it happening like this: I was on a bridge and was at point a to point b in a second… I finally took it personally! It was enough, it IS enough. 

In Conclusion:

Is Christ enough for you? Have you surrendered your life to God as well? I hope and pray you will. Since we cannot physically build a bridge to God, Jesus Christ is the living, breathing bridge. The love and sacrifice of the cross became the bridge that offers salvation and a way to be in a relationship with God. Here are some verses below that may help.

“God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

“I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand.” John 10:28

“I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” Galatians 2:20

Thanks so much for reading! If you would like to comment (do so below!) or have any questions email me at nataliebrooke@musingsofabrunette.com!! I’d love to hear from you!